Kelowna is a tourist destination. The locals had warned us that this is a blessing and a curse.
The blessing being that there are a myriad of activities to keep you entertained and happy throughout the year, from water-sports on the lake, to skiing in the mountains, wineries by the hundreds, mini golf, art galleries, hiking, you name it.
The curse is when the tourists come in to take advantage of all that.
The tourists from Alberta.
We were told that when you see more red plates (Alberta) than blue (BC), then it's time to hide, stay off the road, and lament the day you moved to a resort town. Today, it was a sea of red - red plates, red plates, red plates - and all I could see was...red.
If you are from Illinois, then think of how you feel when you get behind a Hoosier. An elderly Hoosier. An elderly farmer Hoosier. A blind, epileptic, cell-phone using, crocheting, Vogue-ing, juggling, elderly farmer Hoosier. That's a driver from Alberta.
Albertans prefer to drive in both lanes at the same time, 20 kilometers under the speed limit. Don't be fooled by the turn signal - it's always on. And though they like to drive slow, they don't slow down to turn - it's a sudden slam on the brakes (left turn signal still on while they turn right - from the left lane) - and that doesn't necessarily mean that they are committed to that right turn - they might change their mind and re-enter traffic mid-turn.
Also be aware of the Albertan waiting to turn into traffic. They will wait until you are only meters away before they pull right out in front of you - never mind that you were 2 kilometers away with no one in front of you, giving them plenty of time to pull out, but NO! They will sit and wait until you are practically perpendicular to them and THEN they will pull out, making you slam on your brakes, hit the horn, flip the bird, curse, swear, yell, sweat, and have a mini-coronary. And though in a hurry to pull out in front of you, they will be in no hurry to accelerate, leaving you to wonder what the hell they were possibly thinking (though that assumes they were thinking at all). And should you be able to get around them and pass them, as you look over to see what kind of idiot is behind the wheel, you will no doubt see a mouth hanging agape, a long stream of drool stretching from mouth to steering wheel, head rapidly looking back and forth as if the driver were watching a tennis match - a sad caricature of a lost tourist.
It was because of Albertans that I was prevented from getting where I wanted to go today. An Albertan side-swiped me as I was attempting to pull into the Canadian Tire store to get my vehicle emissions test (so I can get my BC license plates - a blog for another day), making me miss the turn. In my anger, I then missed my turn for the post office. In THAT anger, I missed my last chance for a side street that would allow me to re-circle the block. So instead I headed back to the safety of my home.
Only to get stuck behind an Albertan going 20 under the limit, straddling the center line, leaving a trail of drool in his wake.
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