We've Been Here A Week

June 26, 2011

So we've been here a week now, and I can say whole-heartedly, that I am in love with Kelowna, and with Canada as well.  Since arriving here, I feel like an ugly weight has been taken off of my shoulders.  I know that I had become Captain Cranky Pants, did nothing but gripe aboot everything.  But here, being here, living here, I feel nothing but calm, happy, and content.  There is a peacefulness aboot this place that is infectious.  Your eyes are constantly lulled by magnificent views in every direction - in every weather, the majesty of what Mother Nature has wrought outweighs any gloom from rain or clouds.

And speaking of rain, oh what a glorious noise to be awakened by:  thunder.  For 6 years, we never once heard thunder or saw lightening in Oregon - there are no thunderstorms in Oregon (or at least in the Portland area).  Being from the Midwest, the both of us, having that certain comfort back is like a tonic.  There is great catharsis in being lulled to sleep by the lazy flash of heat lightening or by rippling waves of thunder that grow steadily louder as the storm creeps closer.  To have thunderstorms again just makes us both very happy.    And isn't it funny how those little things can make the biggest impacts on your psyche?

The air is very clear here.  The mountains are liberally peppered with balsams.  The nights have more stars than I can remember them ever having. 

And then there are the parking lots.

Now, not every single thing in Canada is wonderful.  There are small pits of localized Hell here in Kelowna.  Those pits are more commonly known as Parking Lots.  And here, even atheists might say a small prayer when caught in one.  Pedestrians are fond of walking in the middle of the aisles as opposed to keeping as close to the parked cars as possible.  Cars, though, as a general rule in Canada, do not give way for pedestrians here - instead, pedestrians are treated as targets, or point-generators for those keeping score.  In parking lots, however, pedestrians take the throne and rule these tiny kingdoms.  The clash of two dominant classes (drivers and parking lot pedestrians) creates a vacuum of hierarchy and becomes a vector of chaos.  There is even a commercial on Canadian TV that makes fun of the cacophony of parking lots in Canada.  Imagine the classic cult movie "Death Race 2000" (where race drivers get points for hitting pedestrians) combined with said Thunderdome in "Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome" (two men enter, one man leaves), and you have a perfect picture of a Canadian parking lot.

What makes the parking lot at the Real Canadian Superstore different is their shopping carts.

But first, you must understand what a Loonie is.  First, it is 'loonie', not 'loony'.  Second, it is a coin.  More specifically, it is the One Dollar Coin.  These are actually used, circulated, used, and used in Canada.  In fact, if you peek into cash drawers of business at the register, you will find the slot for single paper bills empty, and the change slots overflowing (b/c they also regularly use $2 coins as well).  The reverse image on the coin is of a loon, the national bird, hence the name 'loonie'.

In order to get a cart at the Real Canadian Superstore (which is a shopping wonderland of international goods, foods, treats, staples, goodies, and tasty beverages second to none), you must insert a loonie into the slot you see in the handle of the cart.  When you slide the coin in, it allows the cart to be unchained from the cart in front of it. 

Once you are finished shopping (having brought your own bags or be charged for plastic ones), you bring your cart to the return kiosk where, when you chain it back up, when the lock clicks shut, it pops your loonie back out (er, oot).  This keeps the parking lot free of carts (and from people stealing them), thus reducing the chances of being killed in this particular parking lot by aboot 25%.  Just remember to keep a loonie in your car at all times and a stash of shopping bags in the trunk.

Once inside the store, the world-famous Canadian Politeness mysteriously evaporates into an unreachable oblivion.  The words "excuse me" and "thank you" are nothing but foreign and taboo phrases.  Elbows out is the stance, the easier to elbow that other shopper out of your way.  The gaze is dour and determined.  The attitude is imperial and impervious.  The exit door is preferable to the enter door for getting inside the store.  No one but me should exist today, all of these other shoppers are interlopers in MY store, I have the right-of-way no matter which side of the aisle I waltz down, my cart can be parked where ever I please (the more paths blocked the better), and I will give you nasty glares at the checkout when I stand behind you because it's YOUR FAULT the conveyor belt can't move any faster, and thank goodness that exit door is automated b/c I would rather it hit you in the face as I refuse to hold it for you on  my way out, but instead hit the idiot coming into the store through the exit door.

But chat with a Canadian any other time, at work, on the phone, they will be the most affable, chatty, friendly and polite people in the universe.  I'm sure it has something to do with the whole parking lot experience, but whatever it is, it's been the one challenge I've seen so far up here, but as I assimilate, I'm hoping this becomes a non-starter.  Nothing gonna get me down here in my new super awesome excellent super new home town!  No sirree!

We will be going through the DMV process (pronounced PRO-cess, with the 'o' being pronounced like an 'o' instead of the American 'a' (Americans do pronounce it 'prah-cess'), so PRO-cess - say it with me, yes out loud:  PRO-cess.  Yeah, that sounds aboot right) very soon.  It's a wee bit different up here (like we're living in a different country or somethin').  There are 3 steps toward becoming a licensed Canadian.

Step one:  go to the ICBC (pronounced 'icky-bicky'), which is the Insurance Company of British Columbia (http://www.icbc.com/).  Yes, insurance company.  Everyone in Canada is required to carry what's called Autoplan - a basic mandatory car insurance issued by either the Crown (what they call the Federal Government up here) or by semi-private insurance brokers.  So, you go into a ICBC office where you will get you actual drivers license.  If you are an American who had held a license in one place for over 2 years, you can just trade in your US badge for a Canadian one.  You pay a small $31 fee, and then you leave.

Next, you go to get your emissions tested.

Then you go to an Autoplan broker where you will buy either the basic requirement or a full/comprehensive policy of your choosing (like going to State Farm or Allstate).  You can also get other insurance while there if needed, like renters insurance, boat or motorcycle, fire, life, etc..  Once you have signed your policy, then the insurance carrier issues you your plates/tags.  Yes, you get your plates from the insurance company.  Plus, your sticker is your proof of insurance.  So instead of having to renew your plates, you just get a new sticker that says your insurance is good through such and such future date.

Pics of the new plates as soon as I get them, as well as my sure-to-be-brilliant picture on my new license.

As for the hoose, we finally have everything put away, unpacked, sorted &organized.  This week will be working on the ootside of the hoose.  With all the landscaping, there are literally hundreds of weeds to be pulled, and I have to try and tackle the Side Yard of Death with the lawnmower.  But I'll be getting some good fresh air, much needed exercise, and sun, glorious sun.  It'll be good for me to putter around ootside.  I do like to putter, much like the old man I am.  Plus, I have aboot 100 solar lights to plant around the edge of the property (it gets pitch black oot here at night & you could very easily walk into the flagstone wall that surrounds most of the yard).

And of course, pics to follow.

So one week down, we are on the track toward assimilation (resistance is futile).