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October 8, 2011

Today my wife finally had it with Canada (and I certainly can't blame her).  She took to Facebook to post the following rant, and I think it definitely worth sharing.  Honestly, the longer we are here, the more we have really come to dislike Canada.  Sure, some of it may be the town we live in, but there are a myriad of inanities on a national scale that effect us and our outlook on this seemingly 3rd world & 3rd rate nation.  At this point, given how little Canadians seem to give a rat's ass aboot how they treat, speak to, and value those around them, I could give a rat's ass aboot insulting Canada.  Look, this blog is all aboot honesty and perception - and our perception is that Canada is a beautiful place over-run by rude & clueless people and run by a government obsessed with taxes and regulations.  The Tea Party really needs to get their asses up here so they have something genuine to bitch aboot.  Government regulation not your thing?  Then stay the hell oot of Canada.  Taxes not your thing?  Then stay the hell oot of Canada.  Hate it when your choice of goods is so pathetic that it would make a Soviet street-sweeper ask "is that all there is?"  Then stay the hell oot of Canada.  Dislike rude people who elbow you in stores whilst throwing goods around b/c it's someone else's job to pick it up?  Then stay the hell oot of Canada.  Like Hulu?  Then stay the hell oot of Canada.  Sick?  Then absolutely, for the love of all that is good and holy, stay the hell oot of Canada.

Actually, let my wife explain why Canada has gotten her goat:

(My wife's take on Canada)
Whiny? Sure - but get ready if you ever have to move here......

1. The tax rate is insane. Everything is 12% tax added. Plus other various taxes.
2. Gas equals $5 + a gallon (converting CAN to USD)
3. Canadians are not nice. They are not friendly. They don't hold doors for anyone, don't say "Hello", Don't allow people to get into a lane they need to and don't cover their mouths when they sneeze or cough. Really.
4. Groceries are insanely expensive - even without the tax. Eggs = $5 -6 a dozen. A small Ben & Jerry's Ice cream? $7.99+
5. Driving: Everyone drive 10+ UNDER the speed limit. No turn signals. EVERYONE starts breaking for a red light about a mile away. No one pulls up to let anyone get in a turn lane. They all drive as if they were terrified chipmunks at gunpoint.
6. Insurance: CAR insurance is MANDATORY $1 MILLION DOLLAR COVERAGE. So premiums are insane. The 'autoplan' places are mandated by the country. With horrible service and outrageous costs. The RENTERS insurance is worse. For only $175 k worth of coverage they wanted over $50 a month. (In the states we paid $12 a month for same coverage.) AND they were snotty and wanted to know "Why wouldn't you get a LEAST a million in car coverage and WHY would you EVER want THAT much renter's insurance?
7. I can't get pay per view movies on my satellite TV.
8. EVERYONE and i mean EVERYONE waltzes in the middle of the street, the parking lot of stores, of the mall, etc. and never looks, never hurries, never moves over for anyone, never hurries up. This is the most lackadasical, rude town ever.
9. Grocery store ? Elbows out - run everyone over, shoot dirty looks to everyone and trash the place. Canadian courtesy my ass.
10. Canadian football is a joke.
11. There is NO local newstation for Kelowna. NONE. Local news ? No. Local Weather? You're screwed. None none none none.
12. You have to pay for grocery bags and shopping carts. Now I get reuse - recycle - and I"m cool to try to remember my bags.  But this is everywhere.
13. NO Canadian site with goods on it will take your debit card. Debit cards here do not have a Visa or MasterCard on them like in the states where you can use it to buy anything. Nope.
14. Canadian "equivalents" of US companies (Amazon, etc) have Jack SHIT on them. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. And if you DID want to order something you need a Canadian Credit Card. So if you're from another country you cannot - as Canada won't let you get a Canadian Credit card, because...you're not Canadian!
15. No one ships to Canada. Target? nope. Amazon. about 1 out of every 500 items I want. If I'm lucky.
16. Air Canada is the WORST airline ever. And it does all domestic flights. And it's Country owned, but union and everyone loves to go on strike. And the rudest customer service ever. and I've seen planes in better shape in Angola. Scary.
17. You can't get Hulu, or most streaming. You can't get Amazon video on demand. Because Canada is lame.
18. You have to get a "safety inspection" for your car no matter what. in which RUNNING DAYTIME LIGHTS ARE MANDATORY and will cost you $200 + to get installed.
19. Every DMV license has MANDATORY black and white photos where you cannot smile, emote or look anything but dead. True. I've seen them screaming & yelling at people. And you can't wear your glasses, even if you have to wear them every day.
20. Restaurants and retail : the rudest, most uninvolved ever. Everywhere. I know there's always a few bad apples in retail/ etc - but this is everyone. Surly, mean, rude.
21. Every pickup truck is driven by a rich daddy's boy who wears ed hardy and goes 30+ below the speed limit.
22. Trucks, even semi trucks, drive in the left lane. ALL THE TIME.
23. the car pool lane is the far right lane. WTF?
24. Car insurance: eventhough its mandated & via the country. The don't have every car listed in their "magic computer" for quotes. They GUESS. they have NO WAY OF LOOKING UP YOUR MAKE AND MODEL.
25. no mail on Saturdays.
26. $45+ to change your address at the post office for 6 months. Like in the U. S. where it's free when you move.
27. Emergency Room? get ready for a 12-16 hour + wait. With no medical attention.
28. Finally get into a walk in medical clinic? And discover you need a specialist? Be ready for a first appointment to be 6-12 months out. IF they ever call you back.
29. Eye doctor? only once every 2 years. If you want contacts your doc better say you can't use glasses.
30. Local paper is about 5 pages and presents op eds as "actual articles". no Sunday funny papers or ads. 
31. I expected grocery stores to have different items, I was excited about it. but lack of variety is really difficult. Some things we can't find at all. Such as: canned sweet potatoes, french onion dip, canned pumpkin, okra.
32. really cheap beer is $14 + for a six pack. CANS.
33. ALL banks have fees for EVERYTHING. Talk to a teller? fee. Sign up for an account with a million dollars? Fee. Checks. use one, get a fee. ATM? fee.
34. pain meds cannot be obtained from any walk in clinic. And walk in clinics are the only option - they don't have "regular doctor's offices" here as everything is run by the state. Even if you showed up with broken bones. No pain meds. go to the E. R. and wait 16+ hours in pain. Thank you very much, eh. This is because Canada is apparently full of junkies, who break into doctor's offices and / or doctors are too dumb to discern a junkie from a real person in need.
35. To be whiny: no FX, No AMC, no Bravo, no various other channels. And no way to "just catch it on the computer" as you cannot.
36. The beer sucks. Seriously Canada? I expected better.It all tastes like week old PBR that you left open, a skunk pissed in, someone put their cigarette out in.
37. The movie theaters are all old, gross, smell horrible. And most of the time you can't get what you order behind the counter because "we didn't feel like turning on the yogurt/ slushee/popcorn maker." (seriously, had this from about 10 people)
38. Rude part 2. I always make sure I hold doors for people, try to let people with 1 item go ahead of me when I have 50+ in a store, etc. They will all glare and NO ONE ever said thank you. ever.
39. you can only get lighter fluid, for your BBQ, in one store. really. no grocery store, no wal mart. nothing.
40. everything is ketchup flavored. Or I should say flavoured.
41. mail strike. The mail - the FEDERAL MAIL. got to strike for over 3+ months. Forget if you depended on it for your paycheck, to send a bill, etc. you were screwed.
42. everyone SLAMS on their breaks and I swear, goes NEGATIVE MPH (OR KPH) when making a turn.
43. Tim Horton's coffee makes 7 11 coffee taste like french press done by hand by skilled angels.
44. While the butter is really good (European butter) you can't get it in anything less than a block that would kill a small child.
45. The next person who says pro-cess instead of process gets it.
46. All the cat litter sucks. Big time. apparently Canadians don't mind their house smelling like piss and shit. I DO.
47. Canada is the only G8 country whose citizens cannot purchase homeowners flood insurance.
48. Go to a coffee place, fast food, anywhere....you get COIN for $1 and $2. there are no paper bills for $1. So you get a shit load of useless coin.
49. Housing is more expensive than California.
50. There is no minimum sentence for murder. You could get, say.... 3 months if the judge feels like it. 

So there you go:  another perspective aboot Canada.  Negative?  Yes.  Justified?  Yes.  Everyone has a different perspective, and ours is unanimous:  Canada is NOT the place for us. 

I will, however, continue to bring you my experiences here in Canuckistan.  I can't promise they'll be good, great, or optimistic, but I can promise you, they will be honest.


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