The Flip Side of Canadian Politeness

July 28, 2011

The other day I was oot shopping, meaning I was caught in the Canadian version of Thunderdome:  the parking lot.  As ever, once I finally parked my car and got oot, I was in a pretty foul mood, still muttering invectives under my breath that would make Caligula blush.  When I made it up to the door of the store I was aboot to enter, one withoot an automated door, I approached the same time as some other woman.

Being the Midwestern born-and-bred boy that I am, I immediately took a quicker step ahead of her so that I could reach the door before her and hold it open so she could go inside.  Upon my opening the door and stepping to the side, my hand gesturing that she should pass through first, she stopped up short, the most confused and confounded look upon her face.  

"Really?  Wow.  Thank you!"

She was genuinely amazed at my small but required act of chivalry.  Even as she took a few steps into the store, I just behind her, she looked back at me once again, still looking confused, but now with a mix of amusement as a smile crossed her face.  Canadian shoppers do NOT smile for any reason.

The next woman that I did this for, on my way back oot of the store, looked at me with such suspicion and fear as if I were aboot to punch her in the face and take her purse.  She just stopped and stared at me.  She didn't move.  I stood there, bewildered for a moment, then shrugged my shoulders, turned to her and said "excuse me for being nice" and walked oot the door I had been holding open for her.  I was completely shocked.  She literally looked horrified that I had held the door open for her, as if I were the devil holding open the gates of Hell.  I knew that Canadian shoppers transformed into those mutants from 'The Road Warrior' that chase Mel Gibson down as he drives the gas tanker truck, but I had no idea that the same kind of vigilance against nicety and decent behaviour extended to something as old-fashioned and innocent as holding the door open for someone.  Where I come from, the American Midwest (and to be sure, this is also true of the American South), this was a required action of any man, regardless of age, station, or status.  For me, holding the door open is simply second nature.

Lisa and I went to the movies last week ('Deathly Hallows Part Two' was SO awesome!!!), and when we got oot to the car after the show, I opened her car door first, held it open while she got in, and closed it for her before going around to my side and getting in.  A woman walking a few steps behind us saw me and did the same as the first woman above - she stopped, cocked her head and looked at me in the most confused and amused way.  She and her husband were parked next to us, and as I was walking around to my side of the car, I heard her say "why don't you ever do that for me?"  I wasn't trying to show anyone up.  Rather, this is something I try to do as often as possible.  It's just the way I was raised.  Being a gentleman is something that makes me happy, proud, and complete.  It's showing respect to others.  It's simply being nice.

Lisa mentioned this to her co-workers, asking them why people don't hold doors open for one another in Canada.  She was told that this was considered a "fancy uppity city-thing" that only people in Vancouver would do.  Those here in the interior (the Vancouver area is considered the mainland while The Okanagan is considered the interior) consider it a sign of class-ism.  People in the mainland think they are better than the "bumpkins" in the interior, so to mimic behaviour that would be practiced by a city-dweller would be seen as an insult rather than an act of politeness.

I realize that is back-asswards.  You'd think that the closer-knit communities in the more rural areas would hold to more old-fashioned practices and acts of chivalry than the more ego-centric city folk.  At least that's the general rule in the States. 

Yet another reminder that a common language does not a common culture make.


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