The Last Step Toward Assimilation, Part Two

August 31, 2011

Previously, on All Aboot Canada:

I had gone to get my car inspected in order to be able to get my BC car insurance and license plates/tags and ended up having to put over $600 of superfluous "repairs" into it before heading over to Capri, one of the government-sponsored Autoplan dealers (what they call car insurance here - sounds vaguely European, no?) only to find out that I was missing a letter of experience from my current insurance carrier. 

And now, part two of 'The Last Step Toward Assimilation'...

So I call Farmers Insurance back in the States and ask for a letter of experience stating that I have had active coverage for at least the last 6 years (8 or more being even better as discount rates on insurance policies are based on length of prior history).  I get a really nice fella who says it will be no problem and will email it to me within the next 48 hours.  Perfect!  I guess waiting another day or two shouldn't be too bad.

That was on the 24th.

When the 26th rolls around and no email shows up, I call Farmers back.  I tell them why I'm calling and give them the reference number I was given two days earlier when I made my request. 

"I'm sorry sir, but that's not a valid reference number and there is no request for a letter of experience for you in our system."

Oh really?

"And sir, we can only write letters as far back as 5 years, not the 8 you requested."

Excuse me, what?

"Yes, we can only go back 5 years."

"But I've been with you since 2003, which by my calculations is longer than 5 years."

"We only have records here going back 5 years."

(sniff sniff) I smell bullshit!

"So you're telling me that even though I have been with you for 8 years, your records only go back 5 years?  A giant insurance conglomerate only keeps records for 5 years?  Yeah, I don't think that's right."

Total Bullshit

"Sir, we are only able to go back 5 years.  I'm sorry if the other representative misled you."

"This is SO not right and I think YOU are misleading me.  In fact, I'm pretty sure it's not right, sure it's illegal, and a bunch of shit.  You already have a Farmers rep lying to me about putting this letter together for me, making me wait 2 days for something that was never coming, and now YOU are lying to me about not keeping my records on file for as long as I've been a customer?  If I were a lawyer needing those records for a court case, I'm pretty sure those records would be available in a heartbeat.  So let's try this again.  I need a letter going back 8 years - as long as I have been with Farmers.  Am I clear?"

Now this may seem like I was being overly aggressive, but there was a lot of back and forth first about their ability to only go back 5 years - me saying that doesn't work, them saying that's all they could do, me saying that can't be right as I've been with them longer than that, yadda yadda yadda until I finally snapped (see above).

"Yeah, it's time you got a supervisor on the line."  I told her I wasn't mad at her personally, but at the company and the way it was doing business and I wanted to speak to someone who had the authority to change the idiot policies.  Though I will confess that it was a half-hearted sentiment as she was less than friendly.  it's called 'customer service' not 'customer surliness'.

 

A woman named Jennifer Cloud, supervisor in the customer service department of Farmers Insurance, gets on the line.  I tell her what I need and why - and I had explained why to the previous 2 people as well so that they didn't think I was asking just to be difficult.  She told me that it was standard policy to write letters for 5 years back, but that she could send a request to a different office (in Idaho) where they had access to all my records.  Ha!  I KNEW it!  I told her I would need one for myself, my wife, and one in regards to our renters insurance (again, I had told the same to the previous two reps as well).  She would have it to my email within 24 hours (hmmm, sounds familiar).  I took her name and number down along with the NEW reference number and hung up.

I had a beer.

And I waited.  I waited until the end of the day on which the email should have arrived.

And then I sent an email to Ms Jenifer Cloud (this is the actual email I sent):

Ms Cloud,

I assume that 5pm ends the business day, and though assured they (the Pocatello office) would get back to you today, I have not received said letter of experience.  I understand that I am not the only customer that Farmers is dealing with today, however I AM a Farmers customer nonetheless and I am growing more and more dissatisfied as each day passes without my request being processed as promised.  If I do not receive the letter tomorrow by end of the business day, I will be taking this higher up the chain of command and lodging a formal complaint.  You assured me, per your email below and our conversation on Friday, that this would be resolved today.  After already experiencing wasted days on this request not being processed and forwarded the first time I called earlier last week, and after having to resort to asking for a supervisor, and after being told it was going to be written and sent to me by the end of the day today, I am now beyond polite disappointment.  I don't want excuses or explanations - I want my (and my wife's) letter no later than 5pm Tuesday, August 30th.  This is entirely unacceptable.

I had written this on Monday evening.  About 10am I got an email - my letters.

And they were totally fubar.  Wrong.  Not even close to being right.  There was one letter, about Lisa's policy (no mention of me or my cars), but it contained claims information about my car sans any relevant dates.  I forward them on to Ms Cloud (they did not come from her email address) explaining my rising and growing anger and fury.  She gets right back to me via telephone saying she had asked them to send it to her first to make sure it was what I had asked for before I got it to avoid something like this from happening (no mention or apology for it not arriving yesterday as it was supposed to have been delivered).  Give her an hour, she says. 

I run to the doctor's office (and get a 3 month supply of methadone after deciding it would be better to keep me on it rather than try and take me off - score!), arriving back home a little over an hour later.  There is an email in my inbox.  My letters - for me about my car, for Lisa about hers, and a joint letter for our renters history.  The letters go back to 2003.  Finally, mission accomplished (heavy exhale).

Today I head out to go back to the Autoplan office to get my plates and insurance.  I have my letters, my inspection form, the RIV form 1 I got when I crossed the border, my current BC drivers license, the title to my car, my current auto policy, and that nagging feeling that something is still going to go wrong.

I have a wonderful representative, Tracy, help me out.  She takes a look at all my paperwork.  All looks good.  

Ooh, wait a moment.  What's this?

It seems that the date on one of my letters is missing a digit.  It says my coverage started on April 3, 200.

Of all the things to be wrong with a letter of experience, they screw up the most important part, and main purpose for, the letter in the first place.  They didn't get the year my coverage started correct, voiding the whole damned thing.  I had looked at the letters when I got them, and I missed this tiny little typo.  Well, not so tiny, eh?

Tracy suggested I go home and call them to straighten things out.  No.  It needed to be settled right there and then.  Could she please call and ask them to re-send the letter, fax it, whatever, as they should only have to add one letter to the existing letter on file.  She agreeably called up Farmers, but was not connected to Ms Cloud.  Rather, the number on the letter went to a different office.  Tracy was on the phone for about 10-15 minutes, being transferred from one person to another.  Finally, I hear her repeat "emailed in 24-48 hours?"

Oh, HELL NO!  

May I speak to them?  She hands me the phone.  Before I speak, I put my hand over the receiver and whisper to Tracy "I'm sorry for this," and then I tear into the man on the other end.

"Don't say a word and do not interrupt me.  I will not wait for this letter.  You screwed me twice now.  You have treated me, a long standing customer, like shit, and I will NOT stand for it any longer.  I have been lied to by your reps.  You have not kept to a single promised deadline.  I had to jump through hoops to get a written record of what is rightfully and legally mine, only to have what I was given be done in a most half- assed manner.  You should be embarrassed at how shoddy your work has been, how shoddy your customer service has been, as I am ashamed to have ever been a customer of yours.  You will amend the letter right this very moment, while I am on the phone with you, and you will send it right over to this office so that I can finally be rid of Farmers Horseshit Insurance once and for all.  If you object to this in the slightest, I will take this as high up the corporate chain as I can and I will do everything in my power to ensure you lose your job.  AM I CLEAR?"

The entire Autoplan office had grown silent and was watching me intently.

"Sir, I think maybe you got a fuzzy fax copy because the letter I am looking at on screen has all the correct information."

"It wasn't faxed to me, it was emailed.  And that email contained the letter I have in my hand.  A number was not magically lost in cyberspace.  So stop with the bullshit excuses, stop lying to me, and FIX IT NOW."

"Well I can assure you the letter I have is not missing any numbers."

"So you are calling me a liar?  You have the audacity to call your customer, your paying customer, a LIAR!?  HOW DARE YOU!  When I am done with all of this, you won't have a job, I promise you that.  How do you spell your last name again?"

"Do you have an email address I can send it to there?  I'm amending it as we speak."  I could hear him typing.  Tracy gave me an address which I gave to him.  Within moments, Tracy had printed out the new letter - the new letter that didn't need amending a few moments ago.  Hmmmmm.  

"Did you receive the new letter, sir?"

"I did.  Now, what is your direct line?"

"I don't have a direct line.  There is no way to reach me directly."

"Of course not.  I'll be sure your boss' boss knows that."  Asshole.

Once that matter was put to rest, the sinking feeling in my stomach was not abated any further once I learned how expensive auto insurance is in Canada.   6 month policy, with a million dollars in liability coverage (the minimum allowed under Canadian law (far different than the $60k I carried in Oregon)) and a $500 deductable cost me $674.  Now I understand why Canadians drive 20 kph under the limit and leave 3 car lengths in front of them at all times - a ding on your rating could bankrupt you when it comes time to renew.

I was going to get renters insurance as well today - until I got a quote.  We paid $12 a month for $175k worth of coverage in Oregon.  It will cost us $635 a year for $100k worth of coverage, or $53 a month.  I'm going to call around and see if any of the other insurance carriers can offer a better price.  And since there is no discount for carrying multiple policies, I have no obligation to get the renters through Capri (where I had just gotten the auto coverage).

But I finally got my plates and insurance.  Last week I got my Health Care Card, making all my doc visits and prescriptions free.  I have have my BC drivers license.  I have all the requisite government documents making me as Canadian as my neighbours.  Other than citizenship, I can't do much more towards completing my assimilation.  

I do have one last thing to do, though - I need to write a letter to Farmers Insurance.  I strongly worded letter.