To Anonymous

October 19, 2011

I just received a comment from a regular reader (Anonymous) who was upset at my recent negative posts about Canada.  After some serious reflection, I decided to write them a response.  Halfway through, I realized that it was more important to share these thoughts and pseudo-justifications with the larger audience, because I'm sire many are beginning to question whether they should continue to read this blog.  In fact, my uncle wrote me privately to say I was being overly harsh and should tone it down.  And I agree.  Anonymous' comment to me can be found in the "Let's Talk Aboot The Anger" post (for reference), and they bring up some good points.  Here, then is what I have to say in response:

Dear Anonymous,

First off, let me honestly and sincerely congratulate you on your patriotism.  No, I really do mean that.  One of the things that impressed me when we first got up here was how nearly every single person, including pets, sported the red, white and maple leaf on Canada Day.  And I applaud you sticking up for your home and native land.  I respect your sense of honor.  Maybe because, as an American, I'm used to hearing my country get bashed and insulted, when it happens to America,  it doesn't bother me as much.  But I want to be clear on a couple of things.

Go back and read the earlier entries again.  You will see a happy determination to assimilate and become as Canadian as possible.  I didn't come here with comparisons in mind, hoping it would be like the US - I wanted it to be as different as possible.  The problem, therein, is that it is too similar, and so that the small differences stand out more, making it easier to be homesick.  I have traveled the world, and I spent a great deal of time in the Soviet Union, Finland, and numerous -stans in south central Asia.  I scream at the television when I see ugly Americans act like barbarians abroad.  And I cringe when our elected leaders preach about imposing the "American Way" on the world.  So I came to Canada very excited about a new adventure and with an extremely open mind.  If anything, I had become frustrated with my home country and one of my 1st thoughts about moving to Canada was the prospect of becoming a citizen.

I have also stated that my views are based on living in an insular community with a lack of diversity, both in age and ethnicity.  In fact, after a study was published recently that stated that Kelowna and the Okanagan Valley is the oldest and whitest community in all of Canada, a debate has raged in the local paper as to whether or not this is a good or bad thing.  A huge majority of those writing in to the paper want to keep it just like it is.  There is a large evangelical presence here as well, making this an uncomfortable place for non-white protestants to live.  I have heard many anecdotal stories from my wife's co-workers and my property manager to back that up.  Kelowna is also known as one of the most expensive cities to live in in Canada.  The gas here is the highest in the nation.  But it should also be noted that we came from a state with one of the lowest costs of living in the US, so the jump in prices has been overwhelming.

As for our "mansion", we have lived in nothing but small rental apartments or row houses for the last ten years.  We have both worked our asses off to make things better for ourselves.  We are not from money nor have we ever had money.  But a better job for my wife, with a great company, is what brought us here.  And with that job came a much bigger and higher position that, yes, brought us a larger income, but also created a situation where she is the only provider as my visa does not allow me to work or earn money of any kind.  Our house is big, yes, but it hardly qualifies as a mansion.  We chose this spot after negotiating the rent down almost by a third - yes, we rent, and have always rented, never achieving the "American Dream of home ownership" - and because we needed a space that belied Lisa's position should she host events for work.  Plus, remember, I am disabled, sick, stuck in the house most of the time, and for once, just once, we had the opportunity to have a nice place to live, and we took it.  Does it look unfair on the surface, after bitching about prices, taxes, fees, and other costs of living?  Sure. But it's not the whole story, and every family, no matter where they live or what their income always hopes to have things just a little more affordable.  We have gone to hell and back with my illness, have lived in places where we could see through the walls (even through the floor to the neighbor downstairs), so let it be known that we worked HARD to get where we are, fought for it, and EARNED it.  This house isn't even ours - it's temporary.  At some point, we will have to move again, and will most likely rent again.

I will admit, these last few posts have gone overboard with the negativity.  I'm sure many might agree that these were written in the heat of a down moment.  We are simply frustrated - frustrated that Kelowna seems to be a pocket of largesse in an otherwise moderate nation.  To call Canada a Third World Country was, in fact, unfair, and for that, I apologize.  I've said it before and I'll say it again:  I know if we had moved to Vancouver instead of Kelowna, we'd have a completely different perspective and attitude towards Canada as a whole.  And my disappointment largely comes from wanting to like Canada SOOOO badly.  On a map, Kelowna looks much closer to Vancouver than it is, and I guess I thought weekend trips to the big city would be there for the taking.  We also knew that living in a smaller town meant that we might be using the internet more than before to order things that a smaller town might not carry, so when that option has been minimized, it has taken us by surprise and left us slightly befuddled.  It's not that we are mad mass consumers who want to bring America to Canada, but we simply want access to those things that are not available here, and we figured that internet ordering and shopping would be the alternative.  We are willing to pay the import duties, we get that.  But when sites send you to a Canadian version to order from (yay!), many of those sites do not carry the items you intended to order, creating a frustrating situation b/c you just saw it on the American version of the site, so why can't it be on the Canadian site, too?  It just makes us feel more isolated.

I realize my mind has been growing more and more closed.  The negativity has been slightly over the top.  And I am unjustified in judging the whole nation of Canada based on my experiences here in Kelowna.  Let's leave it at Kelowna not being a good fit for us.  But we do live here now, and we need to make the most of it.  I'll admit I haven't gotten out to explore the area as much as I should.  The intent of this blog in the first place was simply a place to share my "adventures" here, and I haven't been taking many adventures at all.  But now that my favorite season is here, the weather is more accommodating, and the traffic is only half as insane now that the Albertans have gone home, I will try and take a day trip once a week if possible, check out new trails, towns, shops, and whatever else I can find.  And I will try and keep it positive.  This was supposed to be a "fun" blog, an entertaining blog. 

Stick with me, Anonymous.  I'm sorry if I insulted you, your patriotism, and your native Canada.  I'll give it another shot




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